Be Grateful You’re Not a Douche, Cultivate Gratitude For Your Strength, Take Responsibility

Gratitude strengthens.   Gratitude for your balls will grow them.  Doesn’t matter to who, God, your parents, your friends, whatever.

Thank you God, for making me the kind of Man who takes responsibility, and not the kind of little boy who blames others for his immense fuck-ups, his failures, his refusals and missed opportunities.  Thank you for helping me see how badly I messed up things that could have been great, how horrible a person I was to people I respect, how my selfishness is what hit me in the face that time, rather than the vicissitudes of random chance.

I know that an ego slips into my head sometimes, inflates, and gets in the sight-line between me and my flaws.  I know it’s easier for me to ignore it, than to see how the crushing weight of that ego-behemoth rolls over everything, rolls over the truth, rolls over the brute fact that I have some huge flaws, that I’m a human being.  Thanks for making me the kind of Man with the strength and energy to push aside my ego and gaze at the dirty truth behind it, which is Me.

And I’m not one of those blind fools, seeing and hearing no evil, and being dumb enough to think that I speak no evil, thanks for that.  Thanks for the humility that you’ve managed to invest me with, even the false humility, because something’s better than nothing.

And I know that my huge issues, my major errors, the bullshit that stands between me and greatness, I know you gave them fatal flaws, their flaw is that I can recognize them.  I know you also gave every challenge in my life a a weak spot, and that I only need to admit that things can be a challenge for me, now and again, to find those spots.

And thanks, God, that I while I might often have incredible arrogance, I’m not bratty enough to think that every enemy, every fake friend, every selfish partner is as enthralled with how great I am as I consistently am.  That I have enough self-perspective to hear through the empty compliments, traitorous snakes and empty human beings, to look at them and see my own reflection, like mirrors to help find and fix the glaring personal flaws that I have, and that it takes a real Man to admit.

Thanks, God, for pointing out that my life isn’t perfect, now and again, and for not making me one of those people who “front” to others, but to themselves most of all.  Thanks for making me feel responsible for my own bullshit.  It’s truly been a privilege.  I’m grateful for all that.  And responsibility and acceptance has freed me to move past all this shit, to

Just Be A Man

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