Be a Man, Gain Confidence In Yourself, WITHOUT Others’ Validation

You’re a wuss, but you’re right.  Good for you, hope that works out for you.  You deserve a medal.

Little boys and girly-men, even when they’re aiming to be fully developed Men, still justify themselves by the fact that they’re “right” in some stupid line of thinking.  They want to convince themselves and others of that fact, even when they don’t need to.  They’ll focus on a subject, be incredibly intelligent and accurate about it, and justify the ridiculous waste of time by reveling in how “right” they were, at the end of the day.

But accuracy won’t make them Men.  Being “right” has nothing to do with being a Man.  It’s what you focus on that matters.  It’s whether you can drop it when the time comes and focus on what really needs doing.  It’s your PRIORITIES.  Anyone can hit a target now and again, but very few can shift their attention away from being proven right to the boring, less grandiose, less attention-getting, less satisfying and somewhat mind-numbing priorities that you need to truly grow.  Putting that much time into proving to someone that you’re right doesn’t make you a Man, it makes you someone who values others’ opinions over his or her own time, it makes you someone that will exchange their time for validation.  It means you feel your own time has little value.  It’s called being a beta male.  It’s called being a servant.

Now don’t be stupid.  We’re not talking about the competitive spirit here.  That’s not about prioritizing someone’s validation over your time, that’s about enjoying your aggressive drive to be the best.  The difference is whether you need to win to validate yourself, or you fight to win because competing is just who you are.  It’s the difference between being an ass who talks too much and being the alpha male.  Between being that annoying try-hard and being a dominant masculine Man.  You get the difference, you can feel it, so the next time you find yourself whining your way to an empty logical victory, don’t pretend you don’t.

So let’s get down to some practical advice.  How exactly do you shut yourself up if you have this emptiness inside you that you try so hard to fill by arguing, by whining persuasion?  How do you let it go.  Well first you realize that it makes you look like a loser.  Just that awareness itself is pretty strong.  And next, you get your priorities in gear.  When you spend enough time focusing on things that truly mean something to you, then the gratification, validation, value that others give you is secondary.  The only true value, you know, is the kind you give yourelf.  The kind you can only get by going after your driving passion.  How you find those driving passions?  It’s an article for another day, but here’s a hint…

Just Be A Man.

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This entry was posted in Defining Manhood, Guide to Manhood and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Be a Man, Gain Confidence In Yourself, WITHOUT Others’ Validation

  1. Runjikol says:

    Great closing paragraph. After all, others validating a person really just gives that person permission to validate themselves. Cut out the damned middle-man and be a full-blown man, not a middle-of-the-road dependent.

  2. justbeaman says:

    Thanks. Giving validation screws over others. Interesting point.

    I wrote from the other angle. Going after it is like shooting your Manhood in the head. Yeah, that head.

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